Confessions of a Mama!

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

- Neil L. Anderson

Most comfortable Nelle striped Dress, perfect for spring/summer.

This quote has kept me going when I've felt like quitting. It is no secret that Motherhood is hard.

Being a mother of two, is a whole other ball game than one. Different kids brings different challenges. Here are some of my challenges and thoughts as a mother of two. 

First off, how do you give enough time and attention to both kids, while still be a supportive wife and take care of the house? I don't have the correct answer, while I like to think that I'm a superhero, I cannot always finish my to-do list every week. It is actually impossible, so I just had to accept it and move on. Do little by little without getting overwhelmed. 

We all know that newborns need our help for pretty much everything. Some newborns are more demanding than others, and I will admit that we watched a whole lot of movies that first month before I got the hang of things. I had to tell myself it was okay and to not feel bad about it.

 I expected Olivia to be the exact same baby as Noah. Noah went straight for the goods, but Olivia, at first had a little bit of a harder time to nurse. Ever since the hospital, Olivia has been a pretty good sleeper (knock on wood) while her brother had gas problems and woke up every other hour when he was younger!! Hence my permanent Gucci bags under my eyes haha. 

I was able to breastfeed Noah for a year before we weened him off, but it has been a different story with Olivia. Like I mentioned earlier, she had a hard time actually attaching when she was born. Since she was born, 2.5 weeks early, the doctor was a little bit worried she would lose weight. I swear every feeding session was 40min long, which felt like an eternity. Then, she would sleep for a long time until she was hungry again. Like most babies do, they lose weight during their hospital stay. Liv lost quite a bit, luckily not enough for her to stay in the NICU. We had an appointment two days later to make sure she was gaining weight. I made sure to pump, feed, pump and feed as much as I could. Fast forward 5 months, I got REAL bad mastitis, so bad that I was bleeding. Anyone that has had mastitis know exactly what I am talking about. I had a fever, I was hurting, uncomfortable, frustrated and scared. Every time I attempted to feed Liv, she would cry and so would I. I was heartbroken because I had to stop breastfeeding, I tried several times but it hurt too much. Guilt then crept in. I felt like a terrible mom, like I had failed her. I felt guilty for a long time, and I dreaded that question from other moms;

Why aren't you breastfeeding? Wait, I thought you were breastfeeding...what happened? Oh, you're using formula?

I must admit, that I have loved watching Ben feed her and watching them bond. My baby is getting fed, she's healthy and oh so happy. 

This is what God gave me time for. My day dreams aside, because raising children won't last forever. When I start questioning myself, they remind me that being a mother has been my #1 day dream ever since I was a young girl. 

I know that as I continue to put my children first, everything else will fall into place. Making it possible for all of my day dreams to come true in their own perfect timing.

xo