Dear Mothers

Dear Mothers,

I am writing to you because I want you to hear this. You are amazing! Yes, you with the big dark circles under your eyes. You, who's trying to balance work and being a mother. You, with spit up on your new shirt, dirty dishes in the sink and 2 weeks worth of laundry on your floor. Especially you, the first time mom who may feel lonely and sleep deprived, YOU are amazing. 

You are doing better than you think you are!

It is easy to get down on ourselves, stop it...we are all "winging it". Being a mom is hard work, harder than I ever thought was possible. Whether you breastfeed, bottle feed, co-sleep or not, baby wear or home school, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are doing what is best for you and your baby, and that is love. 

You're a hero, not a failure. 

You are not alone. Seriously, you're not. I promise as lonely as it may seem sometimes, there's another mother feeling those exact same feelings. You're probably thinking, "actually I am alone" or "I don't have any mom friends". We all feel this way at some point. Be the one to reach out to a stranger. That stranger may become your new best friend. Step out of your comfort zone, start a conversation with another mom at the park. Invite someone over to your house! Did you just think "my house is a mess"? Been there done that. Nobody cares about what your house looks like, every mom wants company. 

We are our hardest critics, and at one point or another we all feel like we are failing. But oh my dear, look at all the great things you are doing. You were up 6 times in the middle of the night, because someone needed to pee, needed a snack or simply needed to cuddle. You made sure your kids had everything they needed before heading to school. You are a pro at making train noises, being a dinosaur and you know every word of every disney movie. You kissed all the owies better and sent every monster away before bedtime. You know exactly what to do to make your child giggle, the loud kind go giggle. At some point during your day, you wanted to call it quits, but you didn't. Instead you listened to the same story over and over again, you raced your kid up the stairs, you fed them dinner and you bounced your baby to bed. 

So yes, you are amazing, no matter how tired you are, you selflessly do this every single day. 

I love and admire you. 

You're a hero, not a failure. 

xoxo

Parental guidance, through Christ!

Hard times will constantly be there

-that won't change-

But so will Christ 

and with him we are able to overcome and conquer absolutely everything.

- Al Carraway

I always knew I wanted to be a mother one day. When I was younger I always loved playing with the little kids and dreamed about one day running after my own. I never knew the sacrifice, the sweat and the tears motherhood would come with. My mother and my older sisters, never really showed the hard and tough days. Or maybe they did, but I never saw the struggles of motherhood until I was the one struggling. I never knew that there was such a thing as "postpartum depression" or "baby blues". I never knew that a baby would rock your world to the max! I never knew that some women couldn't breastfeed and some would feel a disconnect with their child. There were a lot of things I didn't know, until I became a mother myself. 

The day after Noah was born, Ben and I were laying in my hospital bed, holding each other, in tears, wondering what in the world did we get ourselves into. Ben was taking 18 credits, he was super busy and we just welcomed a new baby into our family. We wanted this, we wanted a family, we loved our son so much, but we didn't know how hard it'll be. You don't know these things, you can't really prepare for these things either. I know that there are people out there that deal with much worse things than I do, no matter the degree, I couldn't have done it without Christ. I knew that He trusted us to be parents, and He was there at all times.

"As we make Christ the center of our lives, our fears will be replaced by the courage of our convictions." - Thomas S. Monson

I don't think I have ever prayed so much until I became a Mother. I literally pray ALL the time haha! Many might sound like this: "Heavenly Father, please help these kids fall asleep, so I can rest and stay sane", "Help me, help them" or "Heavenly Father, I don't know what to do, please help me. I feel like a terrible mother."

I have never felt so close to heaven until I had Noah. I knew Heavenly Father trusted me with his child. I just didn't know how much I would need Him to reassure me that that was the case. 

I read talks all the time about motherhood, because I know these words are from our Father in Heaven. I ask for blessings from my Husband often, and I know that the words spoken are from God. I couldn't do motherhood without the gospel in my life, without constant communication with my Savior. I used to think that I could do a lot of things on my own, but with Christ I can do so much more. I see His hand in my life, daily. I seek for it daily. It helps me more than I ever knew was possible.

Never be afraid to ask for help, don't be afraid to pray. God is there, just waiting for us to seek him. Whether you are a mom or not, seek Him daily and I promise you will see how He will bless you. 

I know that we each have our struggles, our battles and our weaknesses. You don't have to go through them alone, God is there for that exact reason. 

We are blessed by our efforts of trying, not perfection.

xoxo

5 friends every Mom needs

I have been thinking about this a lot, friends come and go, but REAL friends, those friends that you stick with for years, can be hard to find. It doesn't really matter if you are a stay-at-home, work-at-home or working mom, if we're not careful this motherhood thing can be real lonely. You either spend most of your day caring for children who have a lot of energy and make demands, or stuck in a cubicle for eight hours a day. 

Moms needs friends, but with everything we have going on, it may be difficult to prioritize our relationship. Moving from Utah was hard, because I left all my awesome mommy friends and had to make new ones in Arizona. To some this may be easy and to others it is one of the hardest thing ever. As a first time mom, its a chaotic but rewarding time in your life. There's nothing more refreshing than spending time with someone who gets you and gets what you are experiencing every single day. 

Here are 5 friends every mom needs.

1. The friend who gets you

Oh man, no matter what your day looks like, every mom needs a friend who understands exactly what she is going through. If you're a working mom, pumping every three hours to keep up with a newborn. If you're a stay-at-home mom, struggling to keep toddlers entertained during the cold winter months. Clinging to a stay-at-home mom is important too!

2. The friend who keeps it 100!

What I mean by that is every once in awhile, us moms need someone who will speak the cold, hard truth! The stuff we might not want to hear, but what we need to hear! Someone that will call you at 6 am to tell you to get out of bed and go run. 

3. The single and childless friend

We have all heard off "people with no kids don't understand". While that might be true to some extent, having a single and childless friend is the best!! My best friend from Sweden just came and visited my family, because she can and has that time. She is and has been one of my best friends (16 years and counting). Some moms may find it hard to maintain those friendships after getting married and having kids. These friends are the best for spontaneous outings, when you need a night away from your responsibilities.

4. The friend that will drop everything, anytime

This friend is everything, I first thought about grandmas. They do this over and over again, but sometimes they can't be at 3 different places at once. When grandma can't make it, I hope you have that friend that will come to the rescue when things are going south. Whether you need an ice cream break, or take a child to the emergency room. Every mom needs a friend that would drop everything at short notice.

5. A friend who is always up for a heart-to-heart talk

Being a mom is hard, and it is a lot of work and some do it 24/7. We are trying to balance our parenting responsibilities while trying to care for our significant others, keep up with work and make time for ourselves. That's a lot. Sometimes we also tend to forget about ourselves, because we are so preoccupied taking care of others. When everything seems too much, or when we just need help, a friend who is always game for a heart-to-heart talk is totally invaluable. I always leave feeling so much better, and usually the other person needed to let their feelings out as well. 

xo

Why you shouldn't warn other parents about different stages.

A Child's spiritual DNA is perfect because ones true identity is a son and daughter of God.

- Neil L. Andersen

When you first become a parent, it is both exciting and nerve-racking. You are about to be responsible for a tiny human being. Heavenly Father has complete trust that you are going to provide, protect and LOVE your babies just as he loves you... at all times. As a couple we create perfect beings, we watch the woman's body develop and do some amazing things. I truly believe women are phenomenal. I believe birth is such a spiritual moment and I feel so close to heaven in that moment.

But becoming a parent is more than just looking at your perfect child. You watch your child grow, build character, say their first word, crawl, walk etc. 

Nerve-racking, because you have no idea whats about to hit you. You don't know if your baby is going to be a good sleeper, colicky, good eater, cry all day long kind of baby. You just don't know! 

When I was pregnant with Noah, my biggest pet-peeve was hearing "bad birth stories". Like why do people feel like it's okay to tell scary stories? Ain't nobody want to hear that.

I also got the, "just prepare yourself that you will never sleep for the rest of your life". Well that doesn't sound very fun, because I love sleeping.  And my favorite, "babies are so boring that first part of life, until they start interacting with you".

Okay, I don't know about you, but I hate comments like these. Why? Because it puts fear into your mind. Whatever your baby is dealing with in whatever stage,  YOU CAN HANDLE IT. Don't let people tell you how things are going to be. Every baby is different.

I love being a mom, more than anything. But that doesn't mean that it is all peachy everyday. It is so hard, actually the hardest job I've ever had. There are many times I find myself on my knees asking for help, for more patience, to be more loving and understanding. This is one heck of a job, and it is 24/7. I bow down to you single parents out there. 

Motherhood was fairly "easy" up until Noah turned 2. We have all heard of the "terrible twos" and the "treenager" phase. I got warned by probably everyone and anyone. Strangers, family, social media I mean you name it. I didn't really let that get to me too much until I started seeing some of his behavior change. Immediately, I blamed it on the "terrible twos". I saw myself getting frustrated at him, instead of trying to understand why he was doing certain things. I found myself getting angry a lot, and I'm not an angry person at all. Then whenever anything was hard, I blamed it on his age. Looking back, I can see how I missed some incredible moments with my son, because I wasn't enjoying that stage. A couple of months before he turned 3, I kept hearing "oh 3 is even worse". It broke me, one night I was crying so much because I was scared for what was to come. I was scared that things really were about to get worse. That is what happened to other parents, so I was terrified. Then, it hit me. I was doing that thing again, the same thing I did before Noah turned 2. Letting fear creep in! It gave me anxiety.

This is my child, I'm not going to let others tell me what is going on with MY child. 

You guys, so far 3 has been a blast. Why? Maybe it has a lot to do with my attitude towards him. I am not expecting him to be a rebel, or getting after him for dumb things. He too throws tantrums every once in awhile ;) 

My 3 year old is a boy, a typical boy, obsessed with trains, likes to play in the dirt and loves to tease. He is also a 3 year old that loves his little sister, he is protective of his toys but always makes sure she has a one as well. They have a bond that I dreamed about before they were born.

Parents, don't let others tell you how your child is going to be. Enjoy them, every stage, even the ones that are hard. They will not be little forever. Remember that you were meant to be their parent!

xo

To my daughter, love yourself.

Remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect. 

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately. Mostly because I now have a daughter, but also because I got a whole lot more "kids" with my calling in Young Women and as a track coach. I'm not only their leader, but I also want to be an example to them.
My mom, your coco, always said, "strong is beautiful". Almost all of us kids have been into sports, but that doesn't mean that we didn't have our own struggles. She was very careful not to mention our weight and always made a point how weight doesn't matter unless we're lifting it. Honestly she would kick my trash in a bicycle spin class. I saw her work out often, take care of her health, be the best mom/wife and be her-kind of strong.

It hit me real hard the other day,  when a girl said "Coach D, when I grow up and have kids I want to look just like you". I remember being young, being a teenager with insecurities and trying to find ways to squish those little demons. Back then, social media wasn't as big of a deal as it is today. My role models were my parents, church leaders and athletes I looked up to. Today, people check instagram, hashtags and magazines and the "ideal" body image is off the charts.

Now that I have a daughter, I want to be her biggest example. I don't ever want her to have a body complex, nor feel inadequate or compare herself to someone else thinking they need to have her body. I want her and every girl that is reading this, to value your health. I want you to respect your body and ensure that they are respected by others. I want you to keep your health a focus and priority, create healthy habits throughout your lives. I want you to be the best versions of yourselves and be physically, emotionally and spiritually strong.

PC: Cecilia Harvard

You see, excuses aint cute, but confidence is. I want you to look in the mirror tonight, tell yourself that you are enough, beautiful and strong. Rock whatever body shape you have, don't let social media tell you what you should look like. Who cares if you're too curvy, too tall, too short, too skinny or too muscly (is that a word)?

I hope you know how much you matter to our Heavenly Father. That He loves you just the way you are. When he thinks of you, he smiles real big. You are not overlooked, not even for a second. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are. Embrace yourself. Love what you can do and accept what you can't. Be proud of yourself. Love your differences, and most importantly LOVE YOURSELF.

xo, Mom.